Sleeping Is Giving In

Have you seen the UK album chart?

#1 – Katie Melua – Piece By Piece
#2 – David Gray – Life In Slow Motion
#3 – James Blunt – Back To Bedlam
#4 – Jamie Cullum – Catching Tales
#5 – KT Tunstall - Eye To The Telescope

When did this revolution occur? Is that what we’re listening to as a nation? God help us.

Of course, there are much more worthy targets for hatred, and really, I can’t get that worked up about it anymore. But the one person on this list who drives me insane is Katie Melua. I’m sure she’s a very nice young lady, and her inoffensive jazz influenced acoustic balladry seems to be floating the boat of a great deal of this country’s population. But come on people! How can you watch those adverts without wanting to take a baseball bat to the TV?

Her last album had the advert with her singing that ‘Closest Thing To Crazy’ song. If this advert ever came on when the remote control was not at hand then it was a mad dash to the power button every time. It wasn’t the song so much, it was the way she sings “twenty-two”, pronouncing every bloody syllable so perfectly. Oh my God. I can’t even think about it.

But she’s outdone even that with her new one. “There are 9 million bicycles in Beijing, that’s a fact” she sings. Oh, it’s just awful. Don’t get me started on her voice, which I just find horrible to listen to. Really horrible. The way she sings “that’s a fact” somehow conveying rank sentimentality and arch smugness in three words. And is it a fact? It seems an awful lot of bicycles to me.

I looked up the lyrics to this new one. They’re so bad I feel sorry for her, and everyone else involved. Look at this:

There are nine million bicycles in Beijing – that’s a fact
That’s a thing we can’t deny
Like the fact that I will love you ‘till I die.

And this!

We are 12 billion light years from the edge – that’s a guess
No-one can ever say it’s true
But I know that I will always be with you.

And tops it off with this!

There are six billion people in the world – more or less
And it makes me feel quite small
But you’re the one I love the most of all.

Can you believe that nonsense? Because I cannot believe that nonsense! If your 10 year old son or daughter wrote that for you you’d worry about their emotional development.